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5/23/11

common sense "aint" common

I have a hard time understanding how some people can be SO book smart... and very clearly intelligent...but be lacking in the common sense area.

And even when you try to get them to see things the way they are in real life, they still don't get it.
Perhaps they never will.

Sometimes I feel like I am wasting my energy for nothing.

And yet, I still try.

Talking to a wall, much?

Sigh.

5/16/11

God gave naps...

...so that mommas could survive the day.

That's been my day today. Abbie has been "challenging" today. I get to her nap time, and I'm exhausted. There's so much to do, and yet I just want to sit & rest a minute.

I need to de-clutter my craft room. It looks like Hobby Lobby threw up in there. I think I will go make myself a cup of coffee with entirely too much french vanilla creamer, throw a load of laundry in, and try to tackle the mess. Chinese for dinner is enticing. Actually, potato soup & french bread would be better. But more work.

Oh yeah, & it would be nice to get a shower at some point.

5/11/11

Mothers Day

Since 2002 I have dreaded the holiday. In '09 it got a little bit better when I was expecting Abigail, & looking forward to experiencing motherhood myself.

I think Less Cake, More Frosting explains it just about right:

...what I DON'T enjoy is that not everyone loves this holiday.  Nor does it seem like a celebration for some amazing women.
  • Some of my dear friends have lost their Mothers (some very prematurely) and Mother's Day is a sad reminder that they don't have that person here with them on this earth. 
  • Some of my other friends do not have children of their own.  While some people choose not to become Mother's, these sweet women YEARN to have children.  Every second.  Of every day.  And this holiday seems like it's mocking them.
  • Some others have sent their children back to heaven.  And this day makes them aware that their arms are a little bit empty.
Mothers Day is HARD. I love being a mother, but Mothers day is yet another day that makes me ache for what I don't have. A mom. Becoming a mom both eased that ache and amplified it, all at the same time.

On one hand, I can be so thankful that I have a child, and have the huge responsibility of raising her-and that makes me think of all the things I want her to know, want to pass down to her.

On the other hand, I will never have an adult relationship with my mom, looking to her for advice and wisdom--as a sort of peer, as a friend. I didn't the chance to have my mom to stay with me in the first few weeks of having a screaming newborn, reassuring me that I was capable, and that everything would be okay. As time goes by I think about all the important things she has missed. She didn't see me or my brother get married, she didn't get to see any of her 3 grandkids. She's missed high school and college graduations. The list goes on and on. Every milestone, every big event, I think about her.
I wonder how life would've been different if she were still here.

I grieve the fact that Abbie will never know her. I worry that I'm forgetting too much about her. I wonder how in the world I can share her legacy with my family...and hope that I can live up to be the woman she had hoped I'd be, and prayed for.

Happy Mothers Day Momma. We sure do miss you.

4/26/11

I blog...

Or rather, I don't blog. Ha. Well, let me start over...how about this...I RARELY blog. Why do I have a blog? Quite simply, because I like to keep my blogroll handy for all the blogs & places I like to visit. It's easy. So that's why I have a blog. I always say I will do better about blogging, to no avail. It's just not on my list of priorities, & I really don't like disclosing too much about myself up here.

I'm not even sure why I'm trying to justify my lack of blogging...
which is just like me. I have a love/hate relationship with this blog. I'm a contradiction in many ways. Lately I've been feeling like most people just don't "get" me, and that is okay I guess. I started this blog before Abbie in order to keep my far-flung family up to date about her, and to be honest, I'm not sure any of my family has ever read my blog. But that's not even relevant....

And now suddenly, blogging is the hip thing to do. Sharing about any & everything. I don't know, I guess I wish for the days long ago before blogspot, before facebook & myspace, when I had a xanga "blog" page & only my best friend knew about it. Silly. I wanna say that was '05?? I think I actually blogged then. : ) So hmm, maybe I'll pop in every now & then, better than I did before.


But don't hold your breath. ; )

1/30/11

quote

In a perfect world we might have perfect choices, in the real world we had real choices, and we made them, and we measured the losses against what might have been the gains…There was no doubt certain things happened we might have wished hadn’t happened. There was no doubt we were dealing with forces that might or might not include unpredictable elements. Elements beyond our control. The Last Thing He Wanted

1/4/11

2010

2010 was hard.
Make no mistake, it has also been full of blessings and God's provision, but it has been a hard year nonetheless. I could list the good and bad...but would rather not.

I have been frustrated. Disappointed. Helpless.
I have been affirmed. Mimicked. Adored.

I have put off conversations I need to have because it would be hard, and because I know the content would be both eye-opening & potentially hurtful.

I have allowed myself to be taken advantage of, but I also stood up for myself.

I pushed myself this year. Started a business. Made new things. Changed diapers, wiped tears, cuddled, and said "No, ma'am!" a LOT.

I didn't keep in touch with old friends like I wanted to.
I made a new friend or two. Lost friends I thought I had. Such is life.
I made great progress in my family relationships. Had some good talks. Mended some fences and cleared up some misunderstandings, and relationships are stronger than ever. It's been a long hard journey but I am so glad things are better there.

I'm getting a nephew in February.
I'm praying HARD for a sibling for my sweet niece as well.

I've seen God do things I didn't think he would do, and some I am still waiting on Him about.  I don't know how we would have made it through this year without Him.

I am so grateful for the amazing man he gave me for my husband, and for the silly/sweet/challenging/way-too-smart-for-her-own-good daughter. I am blessed.